Men Need Gay Friends To Teach Kids Empathy – Barack Obama

Former U.S. President Barack Obama shared his thoughts on modern masculinity, emotional intelligence, and the importance of diverse male role models during a recent episode of the IMO podcast, hosted by his wife Michelle Obama and brother-in-law Craig Robinson.

Obama emphasized the value of young boys having access to a range of male influences beyond their fathers. He highlighted the “unique role” that LGBTQ friends can play in modeling empathy and kindness—qualities he believes are essential in raising well-rounded young men.

“That’s one of the things boys need—not just exposure to one guy, even if he’s a great dad. He can’t be everything,” Obama said, reflecting on his early experiences with Michelle’s extended family and the different expressions of masculinity he encountered there.

Obama recalled how one of his favorite college professors, who was openly gay, challenged his assumptions and helped him grow emotionally. He credited those interactions with shaping his understanding of empathy and the need for inclusive perspectives in male friendships.

“You need that person in your friend group,” he said. “So that if you have a boy who’s gay or non-binary or whatever, they have someone to look to and think, ‘Okay, I’m not alone in this.’”

Obama urged men to create a broader sense of community for their children—one that embraces emotional intelligence and representation. He also pointed out that progressive spaces have sometimes focused heavily on supporting girls while unintentionally overlooking the needs of boys.

“As progressive parents, we’ve sometimes made the mistake of only talking about what’s wrong with boys, instead of highlighting what’s right with them,” he said. “That’s been a mistake, and I think people are beginning to realize that.”

The former president expressed hope that today’s young men are beginning to redefine masculinity in healthier, more inclusive ways. Still, he cautioned against discarding traditional values entirely, noting that certain aspects of “old school” manh00d—such as chivalry and responsibility—are still worth holding on to.